


Falling Apart

by Hmmlingle



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort, Crying, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Really fluffy, Superfluffy, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, worrry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 21:04:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14553492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hmmlingle/pseuds/Hmmlingle
Summary: Cal never expected that his aura could be used to help someone, least of all Ajax, and definitely not in the middle of the night in the single bedroom of his grandmother’s unused barn in the woods.





	Falling Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Sup, this is a little brainstorming I'm doing for my work of original fiction. It's not really cannon(though I wish it was), and it's understandable if you don't really get the plot(I didn't spend much time explaining, and there's kind of a lot), but this was mainly for character development(which you might not get either, seeing as this is kind of a late point for Cal and Ajax). The point I'm trying to make is, you might not get it, and it's definitely not my best work, but I thought I'd post it anyway. For your enjoyment. That being said, enjoy!

Ever since he was small, Cal had been more interested in other people’s auras than his own. For all intents and purposes, he didn't have one. He may have had a keener sense of other people’s auras, but he could never sense his own. Cal suspected that it was because he was Neutral, equal parts Dark and Light, while normal people had more one than the other.  
He’d never expected that his aura could be used to help someone, least of all Ajax, and definitely not in the middle of the night in the single bedroom of his grandmother’s unused barn in the woods(he didn't quite understand why there was even a bedroom in a barn).  
Ever since Ajax had his Light part taken from him he’d been volatile; burning everyone Light that he touched, drawing from the energy of everyone Dark that he touched. Only Cal was immune, which was convenient, because Cal was about the only person willing to help him get it back.  
What Cal hadn't been expecting about that was the fact that the person who had taken Ajax’s Light was twisted, evil and powerful, so they were holed up in the barn to wait off the heat from both that problem and the fact that the royal guards were still looking for them(Cal had broken Ajax out of prison but that was a different story).  
They didn't know each other very well, and Ajax was nothing if not mysterious and formidable, so Cal tried to give him as much space as he required. Ajax got the single bedroom, much to his protest, and Cal slept on a pile of blankets next to it. The argument over that was still fresh in his mind.  
“What do you mean, I get the bed? It's your hou--barn.”  
It really did seem like more of a house than a barn, but at the time Cal was too busy arguing to mention it.  
“Exactly, you’re the guest so you get the bed.”  
Ajax crossed his arms and frowned. “That’s not how it works.”  
Cal mimicked his stance. “Obviously you’ve never been in a decent person’s house before. You get the bed, and that’s final.”  
Ajax’s eyes narrowed into a look of defiance. Cal hated when he did that; it meant he was being stubborn, one of the many things he was very good at. He practically had an iron will. “I’m not taking the bed,” he said, heavy tones of finality in his voice.  
“How many days now have you been sleeping on a stone floor?” Cal asked. “And before you got to prison, how many days did you spend god knows wherever they had you locked up?”  
Ajax’s look of defiance melted into an uncomfortable one, and Cal knew he’d won.  
“Yeah. You’re taking the bed.”  
This setup was fine for a couple of days. They took time to explore the barn, which was a lot vaster than at first perceived, especially when Ajax found the secret trapdoor. It was boring, but it was stocked with food for months, and they were comfortable.  
Then Ajax had his first ‘episode'. Cal was shoving the hay on the floor into piles, clearing out the moldy stuff and searching for more secrets that may be hidden underneath, when from outside he felt Ajax’s aura double in intensity. Something was wrong. He rushed out to see Ajax standing with his back turned to Cal, black mist clawing violently at the air around him.  
The black mist wasn’t anything new; Ajax got it when his Light had been separated from him, and it acted for the most part like a manifestation of his aura would. The thing that was worrying him now was the erratic way it was spiking around him.  
“Ajax?” Cal asked tentatively.  
He got no reply, which only tripled his anxiety.  
“Ajax, can you hear me?”  
Ajax exhaled a shuddery breath. Cal advanced on him slowly and, holding his breath, placed a hand on his shoulder.  
That seemed to snap him out of it immediately; Ajax whirled around.  
“What was that?” Cal asked.  
“I don’t know. It was...it had something to do with my aura, I think.” Ajax looked embarrassed about it for reasons unknown, so Cal left it alone.  
But then it happened again. And again. The ‘episodes’ started happening more frequently, each preceded by a sharp spike in Ajax’s aura. They all died out eventually, but that didn’t make Cal feel any better about them. Sometimes a light touch would snap him out of it, sometimes a word, but it always made Cal anxious and it always looked like he was in pain.  
About a week into the episodes Cal was woken in the middle of the night by a sharp spike of Ajax’s aura from next to him. Cal looked up to see him sitting on the end of the bed, hands curled into fists around the blankets, eyes shut and teeth gritted. Cal’s worry grew; it was always a particularly bad one when his eyes were closed. He said Ajax’s name quietly and reached over to nudge him, but before he could Ajax’s hand shot out and caught him by the wrist.  
Cal let out a short gasp of surprise and started to wrench his hand away, but stopped. There was no reason to be afraid; this was Ajax. He sat without speaking and let his wrist be held until the episode was over and Ajax let go.  
“Sorry.” Ajax had the same embarrassed expression on his face from the first time it had happened.  
“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Cal replied, and he meant it. He tilted his head and scoot closer. “Does that help you? Having something to hold on to?”  
“It’s not that!” Ajax said quickly, then hesitated before speaking again. “It’s your aura. I think it’s because you’re neutral, but…” he sighed. “...I don’t know. It’s stabilizing.” He wouldn’t meet Cal’s eyes.  
Cal was shocked. “My aura?” He had never had anyone mention his aura before.  
“Yes. I’m sorry, your aura’s very weak unless it’s close to your skin, but that was no reason to grab you--”  
“If I could have been helping you this whole time, why didn’t you mention it?” Cal exclaimed.  
Ajax only shook his head. “I’m not your responsibility.”  
“It’s not like it’s taxing to touch you once in a while, and I want to help any way I can.” Cal didn’t mention the fact that it was sobering and terrifying to see the strongest person he knew frozen in place with his eyes screwed shut in pain in the middle of the night. He didn’t mention how awful it had been when he felt like he could do nothing about it, and he didn’t mention the huge wash of relief that swept through him at the knowledge that he was no longer helpless.  
“How much longer do we have to stay here?” Cal asked. If they got to Ajax’s Light, he was sure that all these problems would disappear.  
“Maybe a month longer.”  
Cal’s face fell. Who knows how much worse it would be in a month.  
“Really, I’ll be fine,” Ajax said soothingly, seeing his expression. He layed back in bed. “Don’t let it keep you up.”  
That night Cal moved his pile of blankets on the floor closer to the bed.  
After that, Cal made it his mission to touch Ajax whenever the ‘episodes’ happened, which was steadily more often. After about another week Ajax couldn’t go a day without going into silent painful spasms, and Cal found himself constantly patrolling the house for tell-tale signs.  
No human could live with only one half of themselves. They needed his Light. His aura was tearing him apart.  
One night, when Ajax thought Cal was asleep, he reached down and splayed his fingers across Cal’s back before the aura spike hit him. Then it did, and his next breath came out in a hiss, fingers digging into Cal’s back in pulses. They tightened, then relaxed as Ajax let out a shaky breath, then tightened again the next moment. Cal was sure he’d have bruises in the morning but he stayed quiet, letting him take what he needed.  
After a while Ajax’s breathing steadied and he removed the hand with a sigh. Still Cal didn’t move, but it turned out he didn’t have to.  
“Sorry,” Ajax said softly.  
Cal rolled over to see the dark eyes watching him. They looked miserable.  
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Cal replied.  
Then they had both rolled over and pretended that it hadn’t happened.  
The next day Cal got to him too late, and when he found Ajax his eyes were screwed shut and his fingers were clawing into the wall behind him. Cal hurriedly placed his hands on Ajax’s chest and watched the black mist roiling under his fingers grow still, eyebrows furrowed with worry.  
“It would be a lot easier for you to just call me when this happens,” Cal said, removing his hands. “It would save me a lot of house-searching, too.”  
Ajax’s expression slipped into an unreadable one. He was silent for a long time.  
“Barn.”  
“What?”  
“It’s a barn, not a house.”  
Cal sighed in annoyance, secretly he was relieved. The remark meant that Ajax was back to normal.  
“You know what I meant.”  
“I’m not your responsibility, Cal.”  
“No, you’re my friend. Friends help friends, it doesn’t mean you’re beholden to me! Just--why can’t you just call?”  
“I can’t do that.”  
Cal wanted to tell him that now was not the time to be proud, he was practically combusting, but he huffed and turned away and left well enough alone.  
The episodes kept getting worse, and Cal’s anxiety kept growing. He hardly left Ajax’s side now. Cal could tell that they both must look pretty bad; Cal could feel more and more energy being drained from him every time he leant his aura, and Ajax just looked terrible. Most of all, he looked tired. Exhausted. His iron will was being worn down.  
That night Cal was woken by a horrible noise. At first in his groggy state he thought it was a wild animal, but Cal quickly realized that wasn’t what the throaty, animalistic sounds were. They were noises of pain.  
He shot out of bed and practically tripped downstairs to the origin of the sound, heart pounding wildly. Ajax was on the floor on his hands and knees, convulsions jerking through him. Another groaning, strangled sound was ripped from his throat and he smashed his fist into the floor.  
Cal was frozen in fear at the bottom of the stairs. This was all so wrong! No matter how bad it got, Ajax’s aura had never brought him to his knees, and he’d never made a sound. He’d been strong. Now he was…  
“Cal!” Ajax’s voice was tight, eyes screwed shut.  
“Cal!” he called again, desperate, pleading.  
Cal was snapped out of his trance and he rushed to Ajax’s side, dropped to his knees and threw his arms around him.  
Ajax gripped Cal’s shirt tightly, breaths coming out in wheezes. Cal could feel the waves of pain roll through him as his whole body went rigid, then convulsed, then took heavy gasps of air before he went through it all over again. Cal could only clutch him tightly through it all and hold his breath, sick to the stomach with hysterical anxiety.  
It seemed like years until the convulsions stopped, the mist stopped roiling and his chest stopped heaving. A long moment after that, Ajax un-balled his fists from Cal’s shirt. It was over. Cal let out a shaky breath that turned out to be a sob, and then another sob, and before he could stop himself he was crying into Ajax’s chest, arms still wrapped around him. If he weren’t so terrified he would be embarrassed at breaking down right there in front of Ajax like that, but he was terrified and he wasn’t being pushed away, so he held him and cried.  
“Hey, come on, it’s over,” Ajax said gently, soothingly.  
Cal found it hard to accurately pinpoint the source of his distress through the emotions that ran rampant through his head, but he did the best he could. “I-I’ve never heard you make that sound before,” he sobbed miserably, voice muffled by Ajax’s shirt.  
“I know, but it’s okay now. It’s all okay,” Ajax said in the same tone of voice. “I’m fine.”  
“You’re not fine, you’re dying!” Cal wailed tearfully, crying harder. He shifted closer and Ajax returned the hug silently and rested his chin on Cal’s head. He didn’t have an answer for that one.  
They held each other for along time, until Cal’s tears had died down to sniffles and after they’d died down completely. After a while, Cal un-burrowed his head from Ajax’s chest and looked at him. He looked just as miserable as Cal felt.  
“We need to get your Light.”  
Ajax sighed and leaned his forehead against Cal’s. “Yeah. We do.”


End file.
